This is Barry Clause, Santa’s Evertonian kid brother.
I run those Poundland shops that are keeping British high streets going.
And boy do we have a Christmas for you this year.
As they say in Knotty Ash, we’re made up – it’s going to be a belter.
Our single Decs – everything from ducks to llamas – are bossin’.
We’ve got more Christmas Eve boxes than a shoe shop.
Baubles galore – mini baubles, big baubles, baubles in so many colours I had to wear shades.
The kind of Banta and Sassy cards that will probably get the snowflakes kicking off.
I’m told our elves have cleaned up their act and we’ve got the real ones in our stores this year, rather than the ones that were a bit on the rude side.
And as for posh table settings, Poundland can turn your Christmas lunch table into something that looks like the finest grotto on either side of the Wirral.
Oh and we haven’t forgot the real meaning of Christmas. Tons of chocolate from twin peaks sharing bags to popping processco candy.
More sass and sparkle to make your Christmas Fab Yule Us.
Or as we say in Liverpool.
Sound. As a Poundland.